Long time no see. I've been hanging around my best buddies aka fanfiction, kdrama, and manga in the form of Strobe Edge and Naruto. But no matter how much I try to escape reality with these friends of mine, reality will come shaking and knocking and rattling. I'm seeing this in the form of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami (and its unstable nuclear plants), Rebecca Black's horriblehorrible song teaching us what comes before and after Friday, and my rejections to U of C's Collegiate Scholars Program and the Scholastics contest.
And to address my most pressing matter first...I had really put in a lot of effort for the CSP thing and had really thought that I had a good chance of at least getting an interview. But this turns out not to be the case. It kind of makes me think what went wrong sometime in my life. Why don't any of my teachers seem to like me? What is it that I lack? Last year I got rejected my UC's math program, mostly because Mr. Moran didn't like me. And before that, I got rejected from the Jack Kent Cooke scholarship thing. I don't understand what it is that I'm doing wrong.
Now my plans for summer are ruined. I wanted to do something fun, something new, something elsewhere. I guess CSP isn't any of that besides new, but I had really seen myself putting in the commitment to go to lectures regularly and knowing more than everyone else around me. I had high hopes built around CSP--I really did. Now I have to rely on my backup, solely being UC's math program. I didn't make any plans for other programs out-of-state; they cost a lot and would be a hassle to get there (round-trip plane tickets). UC keeps a record of you, and now that they've rejected me from the math program, how am I going to get in this year? Not to mention, my math teacher this year doesn't like me all too much either...
So I've been on a Naruto-binge since last night, when I got the rejection letter. Everybody else seems to know where they're going, what they're doing. And the saddest thing is, I'm sure that there was a good chance that my friend applying for CSP got an interview. So sure. And maybe this makes me a bad person, but what depresses me most is not me being rejected but my friend getting accepted.
As for fanfiction, well, Naruto has great fanfics. And TV Tropes. Ohemgeeeee. There's a horde of fanfics both on FF.net and LJ and it's overwhelming. But I think I'll be able to do it. Many are epic-length, and that's a bit intimidating given the fact that I procrastinate and will never get around to finishing those. But this summer I'm setting it a goal and hoping that I'll be able to fulfill it. Afterwards, I'm thinking of writing a Naruto fanfic, as well as starting on a story I have in mind. It's fantasy, and probably a bit weird, but I'm thinking of ways to make it work.
As for kdrama, I'm currently watching Dream High. After my Naruto-binge, I've gotten hung up again on Dream High (I started it, stopped for Naruto, and continuing it again). I'm on episode 14, and I haven't watched it in a few weeks, which is again my procrastination/laziness in the works (I only have two episodes left). But then again, I'm thinking about convincing my friends to go to La Push this summer with me, and I want to get them to do a piano-flute-violin trio. I think it's going to be really fun, except the problem will be finding ways to get my friends to take up the challenge...
Yesterday, I explored my old home, Sapporo, on Google Maps. I don't remember much, but I think it's changed greatly. I hate that I no longer feel the familiar twinge in the center of my chest (nostalgia) whenever I catch a whiff of autumn-winter or winter-spring breeze. I only feel empty longing now in place of painful nostalgia when I stare out the window, and the light and atmosphere of the afternoon feels like a lazy Sunday with my bike in Japan.
...In any case, I'll post again soon.
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