It's you being a self-centered bitch.

"It's you being a self-centered bitch. Like the world revolves around you, like it always is."

It's nice to hear this from someone you thought was your friend. Of course, pardon my use of a swear word, but it was heavily implied, so I felt the need to include it. I'm not denying it, but it was still a mean thing to say.

Of course, this is my classmate I'm talking about. It's not unusual for her to say things like this. But it still doesn't negate the hurt. It has to do with a project we're doing. A scavenger hunt across Chicago, in fact. We have to take pictures for geographical places in Chicago ("Insull's Throne" - Civic Opera House, "a bridge the Dark Knight traversed" - on Michigan Ave., etc.). Our group had been walking around downtown for about four hours, which is a lot of walking. We have to take ten pictures in total, and we had three left, all on the southside. I was two miles away from home (again, lots of walking) but I was willing to walk than to take public transportation. Could you say I'm lazy? Walking versus sitting on the train? Maybe not. The project stated that all members of the group have to be in 7 of the 10 photos. I had already fulfilled this requirement. We stopped at the Art Museum, and I said to everybody: "Hey, regardless of where we go, we'll have to take the public transportation. Since I'm within walking distance, I think I'm going to leave." And here we cue in the accusations of my classmate for being lazy, and followed by looks of condescension ("OH, Julie"). They were weird faces; I don't know how to describe them.

So today in class they told me to make the entire Powerpoint presentation. Um, great! Just 'cause I didn't go with them to take three pictures, I deserve to have a whole pile of work. I'm the one here with two AP classes. Self-centered-ness? Fine, I'll make up for my "laziness" and make the presentation. In the words of my classmate, "SO WHAT? It's not that much work anyways." But then they tell me that I have to be the one to take the presentation to the teacher early in the morning in class. Here's my injustice speaking, not my self-centered-ness. Of me, my classmate, and another one of my group members, the other two group members hardly contributed anything more than what they were required to do. Sure, I'm the one making the presentation, but all of us get to school late. So why do I, again, have to be the one who puts in more effort than the other two group members, and gets the same grade? How am I being self-centered if I'm putting more effort into this project than some of the other group members? Am I making a big deal? Sure, why not. But it's the same concept as having your Chemistry homework copied off by a classmate who has 101.3% in that class as number 1, while you rank number 4. It's such a great feeling.

Julie

In the Blur of Everything

Long time no see. I've been hanging around my best buddies aka fanfiction, kdrama, and manga in the form of Strobe Edge and Naruto. But no matter how much I try to escape reality with these friends of mine, reality will come shaking and knocking and rattling. I'm seeing this in the form of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami (and its unstable nuclear plants), Rebecca Black's horriblehorrible song teaching us what comes before and after Friday, and my rejections to U of C's Collegiate Scholars Program and the Scholastics contest.

And to address my most pressing matter first...I had really put in a lot of effort for the CSP thing and had really thought that I had a good chance of at least getting an interview. But this turns out not to be the case. It kind of makes me think what went wrong sometime in my life. Why don't any of my teachers seem to like me? What is it that I lack? Last year I got rejected my UC's math program, mostly because Mr. Moran didn't like me. And before that, I got rejected from the Jack Kent Cooke scholarship thing. I don't understand what it is that I'm doing wrong.

Now my plans for summer are ruined. I wanted to do something fun, something new, something elsewhere. I guess CSP isn't any of that besides new, but I had really seen myself putting in the commitment to go to lectures regularly and knowing more than everyone else around me. I had high hopes built around CSP--I really did. Now I have to rely on my backup, solely being UC's math program. I didn't make any plans for other programs out-of-state; they cost a lot and would be a hassle to get there (round-trip plane tickets). UC keeps a record of you, and now that they've rejected me from the math program, how am I going to get in this year? Not to mention, my math teacher this year doesn't like me all too much either...

So I've been on a Naruto-binge since last night, when I got the rejection letter. Everybody else seems to know where they're going, what they're doing. And the saddest thing is, I'm sure that there was a good chance that my friend applying for CSP got an interview. So sure. And maybe this makes me a bad person, but what depresses me most is not me being rejected but my friend getting accepted.

As for fanfiction, well, Naruto has great fanfics. And TV Tropes. Ohemgeeeee. There's a horde of fanfics both on FF.net and LJ and it's overwhelming. But I think I'll be able to do it. Many are epic-length, and that's a bit intimidating given the fact that I procrastinate and will never get around to finishing those. But this summer I'm setting it a goal and hoping that I'll be able to fulfill it. Afterwards, I'm thinking of writing a Naruto fanfic, as well as starting on a story I have in mind. It's fantasy, and probably a bit weird, but I'm thinking of ways to make it work.

As for kdrama, I'm currently watching Dream High. After my Naruto-binge, I've gotten hung up again on Dream High (I started it, stopped for Naruto, and continuing it again). I'm on episode 14, and I haven't watched it in a few weeks, which is again my procrastination/laziness in the works (I only have two episodes left). But then again, I'm thinking about convincing my friends to go to La Push this summer with me, and I want to get them to do a piano-flute-violin trio. I think it's going to be really fun, except the problem will be finding ways to get my friends to take up the challenge...

Yesterday, I explored my old home, Sapporo, on Google Maps. I don't remember much, but I think it's changed greatly. I hate that I no longer feel the familiar twinge in the center of my chest (nostalgia) whenever I catch a whiff of autumn-winter or winter-spring breeze. I only feel empty longing now in place of painful nostalgia when I stare out the window, and the light and atmosphere of the afternoon feels like a lazy Sunday with my bike in Japan.

...In any case, I'll post again soon.

So It Happened

Haha, the blizzard here just ended. I dunno how many inches, but the car by my house is pretty much entirely buried in snow. I would be eating ice cream at home like my AP Human Geography teacher, but there's no ice cream at home (just some cookie dough flavored ice cream from three years ago) and it's too cold to be eating ice cream. Everybody's so frazzled by the snow day; it's weird. In Japan, we regularly get around 2 feet of snow or more. It's a regular occurrence. :D

And I also realize that I haven't posted in a very long time. That's okay though, because I'm too wrapped in my life to do this anymore. So I'll just be posting occasionally if I have stuff to say. And which, I do, because I just started playing Club Penguin again! It cracks me up thinking about this because how can you expect someone this old like me to be playing a game made for little kids? I haven't been on that game in about 3 years, so my old account (plus my joint account with my friend) got deleted. -sigh- I had so much stuff on my old account. But going on again, it seems to me that a lot of things have changed. There are new games, and the old secret agency got destroyed and got replaced with a new one. Also, a lot of privileges are no longer available for all players. It's a little unfair. Club Penguin should learn when to draw the line. Now it seems that regular players barely are able to enjoy anything on the game, whereas the members get to do everything. Like they say, money can buy almost anything. 

It annoys me because you can tell that almost all the players on CP are members now. And there are achievements now, and many of them regularly players can't get because they are member's only. In January, CP also opened a new "Wilderness Expedition" and nonmembers couldn't do anything much to participate in it! Games and costumes, as well as igloo decorating have all been limited. Nonmembers can't buy any clothes whatsoever (only backgrounds and colors) and they can't decorate their igloos anymore. Parts of games are now limited to members only. I still remember back in the day when I got full access to everything, and the divide of privileges in the game wasn't large. Sure, parents are paying for a bunch of pixels and in return, their children feel exclusivity, but I think that overall, CP can do a better job balancing privileges between nonmembers and members.

But my rant about the new Club Penguin aside, it's Chinese New Year's Eve! I looked up a calendar from when I was born, and now I know I was born on a Wednesday! And now I know my lunar birthday too. But it is that time of the year, so my family will be eating dumplings, giving out red envelopes, calling relatives, and watching the Chinese New Year's show online (since we don't have a Chinese channel).

Happy Snow Day!

New Year's

So today that I am writing this, it is 1/9/11. But as I was posting my Isles of the Blest page, I saw my archives and they were grouped by year, and there were no uncollapsed posts for 2011. Which made me sad. So now I am posting this ridiculously late post for New Year's, scheduled to be posted eight days into the past. (The internet these days...)

So here you go: Happy New Year's.

But know that I hate the new year.
Always.